Next Tuesday I will be the ripe old age of 19. First of all, I'm going to start off by saying that 19 is a very weird age. It's not the ever so thrilling and exciting 18 and it's not the sophisticated, newly-adulted, double-decade 20. It's just kinda a weird "in-between". Second of all, I still haven't really gotten over the fact that this is my last year of being a "teenager". Getting old is so depressing. I also haven't gotten over the fact that around this time next year I will be 1/4 of the way done with my life, I will have lived for 2 decades and i will be "in my twenties".
Now that I have successfully put myself into an ironclad panic attack, I am in a splendid place to begin writing. 19. When you are a child, you see the adults in your life (your teachers, your parents, movie stars) and you long to be that age because everyone that age is beautiful, independent, and happy. You are too young to realize that your problems don't go away no matter how independent and beautiful you become. Then you reach that age that you've dreamt and fantasized about your whole life.....then what? Am I everything I dreamt I would be? I don't know. Self-evaluation time? I think so.
Not right now, time for some more nostalgia. So this time last year I was a going through motions, going to high school, playing a few sports, stuck in a boring, dead-end relationship, and wondering where the hell I was going to school and what the hell I was going to do with my life. So much has changed in such a short amount of time. Once you leave Whoville and step off the heavily guarded dust speck you kinda get bitch-slapped in the face by the real world. One of my closest and most dearly loved friends left this earth, the bad relationship ended in fire and ice, I moved 300 miles away from home to start school, struggled (and am currently struggling) to find out who I am as a person, suffered through countless unnecessary turmoils, entered into another horrifying relationship which ended in ways that break my heart to write about, and I still don't know what the hell I'm going to do with my life.
When I think about the incredible metamorphosis that I have gone through since my last birthday I can hardly believe it. Just think about what I'll be like next year.....
